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3.5: "CARP License" and "Redundancy must be free"

Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please.
Licenser: A what?
Customer: A license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP.
Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it?
Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy protocol.
Licenser: What?
Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol.
Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol!
Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were all too... encumbered. And now I must license it!
Licenser: You must be a looney.
Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP, after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor movement! So, if you're calling the large American companies that fork out millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. A license.
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol?
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: You are a looney.
Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP.
Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP.
Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without it.
Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license.
Customer: Yes there is!
Licenser: Isn't!
Customer: Is!
Licenser: Isn't!
Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?
Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon.
Customer: The man didn't have the right form.
Licenser: What man?
Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van.
Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean.
Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
Licenser: What redundancy detector van?
Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee.
Licenser: Cizzz-coeee?
Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake.
Licenser: How much did you pay for that?
Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX.
Licenser: What PIX?
Customer: The PIX I'm replacing!
Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want to license it?
Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it!
Licenser: No they didn't!
Customer: Did!
Licenser: Didn't!
Customer: Did, did, did and did!
Licenser: Oh, all right.
Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP license?
Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License.
Licenser: A license?
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: For your firewall?
Customer: No.
Licenser: No?
Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident.
Licenser: You're off your chump.
Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not entirely up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader!

A zero... one.. A one zero one one

VRRP, philosophically,
must ipso facto standard be
But standard it
needs to be free
vis a vis
the IETF
you see?

But can VRRP
be said to be
or not to be
a standard, see,
when VRRP can not be free,
due to some Cisco patentry..

Singing...

La Dee Dee, 1, 2, 3.
VRRP ain't free.
O P E N B S D
CARP is free

Is this wretched Cisco-eze
let through IETF to mean
my firewall must pay legal fees?
No! CARP and PF are Free!

Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
CARP and PF are free.

1 1 2,
Tee Hee Hee,
CARP and PF are free.

My firewall just keeps running, see,
bisected accidentally,
one summer afternoon by me.
Redundancy's good when free.

Redundancy must be free.
Redundancy must be free.

The End

Under the Geddy Lee?

No, Redundancy must be free!

Geddy must be free.